Emotional Weather Report

This Blog is Closed.

2006-07-19T10:37:00.001-05:00

I was not aware that so many people read this blog.And apparently I have offended one too many people with my inner thoughts.I don't want to feel as though I am in a fishbowl.I guess that I thought that no one really gave a shit what I felt, and so I just wrote what was on my mind without thinking of others. It's kind of amusing that so many people take these ramblings seriously, when I myself

Love is bullshit.

2006-07-19T06:20:00.000-05:00

EWR: Alternating between ambivalence and angerMusic I Heard today: "Don't Think Twice, It's all right", The Wonder Who (!!!); "Hats off to Larry", Del Shannon; "Blackbird" the Beatles <----"60s on 6" on XM radio=====A lot of the anger and hard feelings I have these days is my own doing. No one is knowingly doing anything to piss me off, or frustrate me, or make me unhappy, and yet I feel a lot of

An Old Musical Friend

2006-07-18T16:56:00.000-05:00

Today I bought the 30th anniversary remastered edition of Steve Miller's "Fly Like An Eagle".I was a Junior in college when I first heard this incredible album, with it's bluesy highs and lows and its high tech space age sounds.Thirty years later, this album still blows me away.It's an album that I played the grooves off on vinyl, and I may even listened to the cassette version in my '75 Mustang.

Hands Clean

2006-07-14T20:04:00.000-05:00

You're essentially an employee and I like you having to depend on meYou're kind of my protégé and one day you'll say you learned all you know from meI know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardianI know you sexualize me like a young thing would and I think I like it Ooh this could get messyBut you don't seem to mindOoh don't go telling everybodyAnd overlook this supposed crimeWe'll

Addendum to the Below Entry

2006-07-14T07:11:00.000-05:00

You are only making it worse for everyone involved.

Verities and Balderdash*

2006-07-14T06:15:00.000-05:00

*-stolen from a Harry Chapin Album title.EWR: Puzzled, resigned, amused, bemused, frustrated and detachedMusic I Heard this Morning: "All Day Music", War; "A Summer Song", Chad and Jeremy; "City's Burning", Heart=====I guess I have come to depend on my significant other (as opposed to my wife, that phrase went out the door back in December) to say one thing and do the other. This is a paradox

Energized

2006-07-13T06:26:00.000-05:00

EWR: Like the title says....Music I heard this morning: "You Can't Always get what you want", Rolling Stones; "Dead Souls", Joy Division; "God", John Lennon=====I don't know who it was that said "Idle hands do the devil's work, but believe me when I say that I am anything but idle right now. Tuesday, when I started the new job proper, I worked. Strange as it may seem, most summers for nearly two

An Emotional Weather Report--10 July 2006

2006-07-10T06:19:00.000-05:00

EWR: Pretty OK.Music i listened to this morning: "I Talk to the Wind", King Crimson; "What'll I Do", Rufus Wainwright with the McGonnigle Sisters; "Fake Plastic Trees", Radiohead====="I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in..."--"Just Dropped In" by The First EditionToday is the first day that I will be doing something other than running a high school radio station for the

The go-to guy has left the building...

2006-07-08T21:13:00.000-05:00

EWR: Wishing, Lord that I was stonedMusic I Listened to Today: "Queen of the Hours", Electric Light Orchestra; "Brian Wilson", Brian Wilson; "Glamour and Pain", Joe Jackson=====I have made up my mind that I am no longer going to be anyone's go-to guy. You know that old dependable guy who's always there when you need something, no matter how big or small? Bullshit. Enough of this crap. Why is it

Head in the Sand.

2006-07-05T20:23:00.000-05:00

My wife, by her own admission, does not read this blog.I guess I don't blame her, but sometimes I wish she would.She doesn't realize, or care to realize, what is going on in my head sometimes. Out of sight, out of mind. I often bite my tongue when I hear of some of the crazy shit she is doing with her life, and I really feel for the fact that she is without focus and, almost a quarter century

And then there's Ben....

2006-07-04T18:48:00.000-05:00

No sooner did I finish an emotional singing of the praises of one of the great athletes in Detroit sports history, when I was shocked to learn that one of our basketball superstars has followed his wallet and left his loyalties in his locker at 3 Championship Drive in Auburn Hills.At first I was shocked at the thought that Ben Wallace was leaving Detroit for about 2 and a half million a year more

All I ever wanted...

2006-07-04T07:50:00.000-05:00

EWR: Relaxed, really f***in' lazyMusic I heard recently: "Sea of Joy", Blind Faith; "Melancholy", Iced Earth; "Down By the River", Neil Young.=====This is exactly what I needed in a vacation. I haven't really had a lot of time to just basically do nothing, and this is an opportunity to do just that. I will eventually (this week) get off my fat ass and do some of the things that I planned on doing

O Captain, my captain.

2006-07-03T14:42:00.000-05:00

One of the greatest ever Detroit Red Wings--and I mean right up there with Gordie Howe, Ted Lindsey and Terry Sawchuk--has retired.It is somehow fitting and appropriate that #19 would leave this sport the way he did today. He didn't leave on the heels of a championship, or on top of the world, or even after a particularly memorable season.Instead, Steve Yzerman quietly announced that he was not

Marriage (not necessarily mine)

2006-06-29T06:31:00.000-05:00

EWR: Good, bad, concerned, indifferentMusic Today" "Nothing in My Way", Keane; "Day Tripper", Beatles; "Jesus is Just Alright", The Byrds====="Marriage is Funny. 90% of the time it's "I want to spend the rest of my life with this person" and the other 10% is "How can I fake my own death?"--Craig Shoemaker, Comedian~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~How very strange is this thing called marriage.My

Inexplicable.

2006-06-28T13:08:00.000-05:00

My therapist tells me not to try and explain things that don't make sense.She said it will make me crazy.I just can't help it sometimes--there's so much about my life I can't explain.

In the Cards.

2006-06-26T08:47:00.000-05:00

EWR: Strangely optimisticMusic I Heard this Morning: "2000 Light Years from Home", Rolling Stones; "Words of Love", Beatles; "Don't Wait", Dashboard Confessional.=====Lately my feelings have been sort of an enigma. At least to me.I feel strangely optimistic these days. I really have no idea whatsoever as to why I feel this way. Someone wrote a book once called "Been Down So Long it Looks like up

Joe.

2006-06-24T05:46:00.000-05:00

Sometimes we need to hear a little bit of humbling news to really put the whole world in perspective.So many times this blog is full of page after page of self-pity and 'why me', and then something else happens that, like a slap to my sometimes self absorbed face, makes me realize that my problems--such as they are--are insignificant by comparison.In a hospital somethere in North Central Ohio, a

Summer Solstice - a response

2006-06-22T16:34:00.000-05:00

OK again my eldest bro. has thrown down the musical gauntlet, with his collection of his all time great "summer" songs. http://oldladuke.blogspot.com/Let me chime in with a few of my own (although he helped himself to a lot of the best of the bunch). But hell yea there are others....both summery and songs that remind me of the summer...."A Summer Song" - Chad and Jeremy. Absolutely the first song

D.I.Y.

2006-06-22T07:30:00.000-05:00

EWR: Unnecessarily annoyedMusic I Heard today: "Goodbye to You", Michelle Branch; "Everyone says Hi", David Bowie; "Girl/Boy Song", Aphex Twin=====I'm just really annoyed now. This has nothing to do with what has happened up until now, but what I'm not being told. And I'm really pissed off that I am so annoyed about these revelations. I find it amusing, and I am fully aware that you get what you

Well, heck, guys....

2006-06-20T12:59:00.000-05:00

EWR: Puzzled yet amusedMusic I listened to today: "Come to My Window", Melissa Etheridge; "You Get What You Give", New Radicals; "Jessie", Joshua Kadison=====I still don't know 100 percent exactly what I will be doing next year.Yesterday the president of the union came into my office and said they had decided to split my job between radio and computer, four hours each day, no overtime, same rate

Dad.

2006-06-18T07:31:00.000-05:00

My Dad is a mender of toys, a leader of boys; changer of fuses, a healer of bruises; a mover of couches, a healer of ouches; a hanger of screens, a counselor of teens; a pounder of nails, a teller of tales; a dryer of dishes, a fulfiller of wishes. - -JoAnn Heid Happy Father's Day, Dad. I love you and I miss you terribly.

Um Babs?..........bite me.

2006-06-15T19:54:00.000-05:00

Barbra Streisand is coming to the Palace of Auburn Hills on October 18, 2006. (At last count, this was her third or fourth "retirement" tour, I'm not sure) The "cheapest" ticket (as in, somewhere near the parking lot but technically still under the same roof) is $152.50. If you would like to actually see La Streisand on the stage and not on the big screen, the ticket is $752.50. Yeah, you read

Seasons Change.

2006-06-14T08:32:00.000-05:00

My, how the times have changed....And I don't like the idea of leaving Paul at home while I go out with friends. I don't want him to be lonely. I don't want to miss him.--May 16, 2004I am going to learn financial responsibility and how to live within my means. And I'm going to be honest with you about everything. I've taken some of the things I think I may need soon, and a couple of things I

"Hello my friend, we meet again..."

2006-06-12T06:47:00.000-05:00

EWR: Partly CloudyMusic I heard today: "My Sacrifice", Creed; "Better Days", Goo Goo Dolls; "What's Going On", Marvin Gaye.=====Sometimes, I am walking the dog in the early morning light (like this morning) and I look at the home in which I live. The operative word here is "I", of course. Although I share this house with three great cats and one sweet little Corgi, all of whom love me

"The job"

2006-06-09T21:47:00.000-05:00

The meeting this morning went quite well. I told them a bit about myself and my background, they told me about the job and what it will entail, and then gave me some sample scenarios, which I think I did well on. The best part of all this is I think I can work 7am-6pm M-Th and then 7am-3:30pm on Friday. All in all, I'm excited about the job, it sounds like I was made for it. Again, like I said

Still Gainful.

2006-06-08T07:13:00.000-05:00

EWR: FocusedMusic I heard today: Act I of "Wicked"=====I have said many times that I'm not very good with change in my life. I am set in my ways, I'm not crazy about surprises, and I am reluctant to adapt. Call it geting older, whatever you want. However, without change, life becomes mundane, routine and boring. So call it a double edged sword at the very least. In three weeks, a lot of my life

The Sharing.

2006-06-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

EWR: Not a clue.Music Today: "Dogs", Pink Floyd; "Night Life", Willie Nelson; "Woke Up the Morning", Leonard Cohen.=====Most of my life has been sharing myself with others.I have tried to be giving and generous with my time and myself. Through the years, that has always been a part of me.Problem is,Now I don't think I have anything left to share. I have given my heart without reservation and had

Motions of the Heart.

2006-06-03T22:58:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I find myself reflecting in amazement at the past six months.Part of it almost seems like a dream.In June ~We smile,laugh,talk on the phone for what seems like hours...I go through all the same motions, do the same things I always did before,the only thing that's different is there is no I love you at the end.As if a switch has been turned off.It is still strange, and still I feel as

PEE BEE ESS.

2006-06-02T08:39:00.000-05:00

EWR: Meh, who cares?Music I Heard this Morning: "A.C.D.C.", Joan Jett and the Blackhearts; "I Love L.A.", Randy Newman; "You're Beautiful", James Blunt (I HATE that f'in' song)=====I don't watch a lot of P.B.S. Most of the programming the offer doesn't appeal to me. Occasionally though, something comes on that interests me, so I watch it. I don't support P.B.S. by donating. There are three main

Another Brick in the Wall.

2006-06-01T13:13:00.000-05:00

Well, that's that. Plain and simple.As of July 1st my classification goes from Electronics Technician III to Computer Technician III.In non-union terms, the Radio Station Manager ceases to exist and the Computer Fix-it geek rises from the ashes.I am told the money (and possibly the hours) will remain the same. However, I will add two hours to each day, overtime, 20 hours worth per pay, in which I

More going than coming.

2006-06-01T06:49:00.000-05:00

EWR: Detached.Music I Listened to Today: "Better Days", Goo Goo Dolls; "Hurt", Johnny Cash; "Something's Always Wrong", Toad the Wet Sprocket====="What have I become?my only friendeveryone I know goes away in the end."--"Hurt" by nine inch nailsI am beginning to think that most of my life as it has become is not the result of bad karma, but rather unfortunate circumstances. One by one the things

You Don't Know Hoffa the Story....

2006-05-31T06:50:00.000-05:00

EWR: Intense. No more Red Bull at 7 in the morning.Music I Heard Today: "Take Me Home", Cher (isn't she just GREAT???); "Welcome to the Machine (trance mix)", Pink Floyd; "Get Back" The Beatles.=====There's no need for a lot of backstory on Jimmy Hoffa, at least if you're over 40.My Dad once met Hoffa, long time ago. My family used to eat dinner at the restaurant on Telegraph Road near Maple

Maelstrom.

2006-05-30T08:54:00.000-05:00

EWR: The eye.This morning's Playlist: "Dogtown", Harry Chapin; "Close My Eyes Forever", Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford; "Promiscuous", Nelly Furtado.=====Call it the calm before the storm, I suppose. I have every reason to be uptight, but I am holding it together. I am not allowing little things get in the way. I am focused and I really seem to be getting my shit together. Better off without some

Cash in your Bonds.* (with an asterisk)

2006-05-28T20:51:00.000-05:00

EWR: CrispMusic I Listened to Today: "The Long Way Around", Dixie Chicks; "Crash Here Tonight", Toby Keith; "Family Tradition", Hank Williams Jr.=====The number 714 is still revered in the world of sports. Always will be.Even though, up until today, it only meant second place, it was still the mythical baseball player that achieved that number.I am, of course, referring, not to Joe Friday's badge

Lets BBQ, shall we?!?

2006-05-27T20:31:00.000-05:00

This being the first really nice 85 degree day, and in the spirit of Memorial Day weekend, I got it in my head to go out and buy myself a nice new grill.Not one of those whimpy instant light gas grills, fuck you. That is bullshit. (tip of the hat to Lew Black, my hero)I like a grill where you can light up the night sky and be seen on the ground by passing aircraft.So I bought one of those nice

Another Side Note to ESPN.

2006-05-27T20:23:00.000-05:00

The city that the Pistons represent is pronounced "de-TROIT".It is not "DEE-troit" unless your name is Bob Seger.Mmm-kay?

A Side Note to ESPN.

2006-05-27T20:19:00.000-05:00

Can we just shut the hell up about Shaq? Just play. The man does NOT walk on the water. Just play, ok?

A Tad Fed Up.

2006-05-26T21:21:00.000-05:00

EWR: well....fed up.Music I am listening to: "Becalmed" by Brian Eno; "Berlin" by Lou Reed; "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" by Warren Zevon.=====Thinking over some of the things that have been said to me today and some of the emails I have received, after careful consideration, I don't give a flying fuck what people think. They say the middle child in the family is the "people pleaser"; I'm through

Just to reiterate....

2006-05-26T10:44:00.000-05:00

This is MY blog. These are MY thoughts, feelings and emotions. What I write here is what's in my head at the moment. Nothing more, nothing less. I will never mince words, and I will speak what's on my mind. ALWAYS. If you don't like what you read on this blog, or if it upsets you, for crying out loud, DON'T READ IT. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

Remembering Dad.

2006-05-26T08:30:00.000-05:00

Dad would have been 79 years old today. He passed away at the age of 69, nearly ten years ago, and there have been very few days that I haven't thought about him and what he meant to his three sons, the wife he loved so much, and his family. While going through some papers that we brought back after Mom and Dad's home was sold last fall, I came across a picture of my father on his 69th birthday,

The strangeness begins...

2006-05-25T19:19:00.000-05:00

EWR: Calm for the Moment.Music I am Listening to: "The Equatorial Stars" by Fripp and Eno=====The letter I knew was coming finally did today. And it wasn't exactly laden with empathy: "Due to the financial difficulties being experienced by the West Bloomfield School District, it is my unfortunate duty to advise you that, effective the close of the normal work day ib June 30, 2006, you will be

CRAP until September.

2006-05-24T19:54:00.000-05:00

So now all the good TV is just about over. Meaning my favorite shows have all ended for the year, or for good, or for hiatus.Which means there will be a lot of FoodTV, Spike, and (hopefully) another month of Pistons basketball for me in the coming months. And maybe even more Final Fantasy XI than ever before.So that grey haired largemouth bass Taylor won American Idol. I guess I shouldn't

The "D" word.

2006-05-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

This is the first time Jessie and I have used the D word. It was, of course, inevitable, but I had been hesitant to bring the subject up. I was told not to, to blindside her, to take her by surprise, have the papers in place before she even had a chance to react. But what sort of surprise would this be with both of us realistic to this inevitability. I don't really want anything ffrom her; I have

Sympathy/Helplessness

2006-05-23T07:24:00.000-05:00

EWR: Mostly SunnyMusic I Heard This Morning: "Crush", Jennifer Paige; "Sunset Grill", Don Henley; "Fresh", Kool and the Gang=====Personally, I am in a pretty good place right now. I feel really good, both physically and mentally. My life has gotten really good and I wake up in the morning rarin' to go. I haven't felt like this in a long long time. I know changing my diet has helped, getting my

A side note to ABC

2006-05-21T14:46:00.000-05:00

Can we just shut the hell up about LeBron James?Just play.The man does NOT walk on the water.Just play, ok?

I'm just....PISSED, ok?

2006-05-20T19:33:00.000-05:00

I don't know the exact moment when my day went south today. But right now I am just angry on a number of levels, at a number of people, for a number of reasons. It probably started when I was at Meijers and I had a horrible attack of hypoglycemia. The worst ever, and it's puzzling because I ate breakfast just before I left. I seriously thought I would have to go to the hospital. I was standing in

Woah....

2006-05-20T09:36:00.000-05:00

EWR: Woah....Music I Heard this Morning: "Language or the Kiss", Indigo Girls; "The Musical Box", Genesis; "Have a Nice Day", Count Basie.=====I knew that Weight Watchers worked, but this was ridiculous: I lost 10.6 pounds in the first week. I know the first couple of weeks are always this way, but still, it's a nice start. I am very happy, and very inspired. Best of all I didn't feel hungry the

The Truth.

2006-05-19T07:20:00.000-05:00

EWR: In the MiddleMusic I Heard this morning: "Uninvited", Alanis Morrisette; "Bad Day", R.E.M.; "Not Ready to Make Nice", Dixie Chicks===="Just so you know, we're ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas"--Natalie Maines, London, March 2003My, how times have changed.With that little statement, Dixie Chicks' lead singer Natalie Maines set off a firestorm of controversy

Night Solitude: an Affirmation.

2006-05-18T21:37:00.000-05:00

Truth be told, I am happier now than I have been in ages. I don't know why, maybe it's finally being over this little incident, maybe it's the little blue pill I take before bed at night, maybe it's just the thought that I am alive and I still have a lot to offer the people I come into contact with now and who I will in the future. New friends, new relationships, the sky's the limit. I am liked,

Truly Letting Go.

2006-05-18T07:21:00.000-05:00

EWR: Strangely subdued, antisocial and distantMusic I Heard this morning: "Black Angel's Death Song", Velvet Underground; "Kingdom's Coming", Bauhaus; "The Freshmen", Verve Pipe=====i grieve for you you leave me let it out and move on missing what's gone they say life carries on they say life carries on and on and on life carries on in the people i meet in everyone that's out on the street in all

Remembering Harry.

2006-05-17T06:46:00.000-05:00

EWR: ReminiscingMusic I Heard Today: Harry Chapin's 2nd Album in it's Entirety=====I was delighted to find out that Harry Chapin's early work had been re-released on CD for the first time a couple of years ago. These three albums--"Heads and Tales", "Sniper and Other Love Songs", and "Short Stories"--had an indelible influence on my life and me as a writer (such as it is), and is a major part of

Watching Over You

2006-05-15T08:28:00.000-05:00

EWR: Amazingly BalancedMusic I Listened to This Morning: "Song For America", Kansas; "Take a Picture", Filter; "After the Garden", Neil Young=====There are some things that I suppose are never going to change.Although all indicators are that my marriage is over, there will always be a small part of me that will kind of be watching over Jessie, if nothing else then from afar. Not that she needs it

What was I Thinking???

2006-05-13T14:29:00.000-05:00

EWR: Irritated at myselfMusic I listened to today: "Supernatural" by d.c. talk; "Funeral for a Friend" by Elton John; "In Your Eyes", Peter Gabriel====When it's all been said and done, now that the dust has finally cleared, I find myself asking this simple question:What was I thinking??? Was I crazy? Was I just too anxious to please that I realized that this was a relationship that was doomed

Tired in a Good Way

2006-05-12T07:33:00.000-05:00

EWR: AchyMusic I Listened to This morning: "When You Dream", BNL; "Jack and Neal", Tom Waits, "Hooked on Junk", k.d. lang and the Reclines=====Today I am taking a well deserved day off. Yesterday I spent the better part of 15 hours at work. Our local educational cable access channel, of which I occasionally play a part and appear on as a host and interviewer, was having a Telethon to raise money

The unexplainable.

2006-05-11T22:17:00.000-05:00

My therapist tells me not to try and understand things that don't make sense because it will make me crazy. I tend to agree. But there is still a little part of me that says, like Lewis Black says in his standup, LET'S FIGURE IT OUT. My wife walked away from a life with me that, while perhaps being a little bit mundane, nonetheless offered her financial security, the (until now) undying love of a

Say WHAT?????

2006-05-11T07:58:00.000-05:00

EWR: Energetic, at least for now.Music I listened to This Morning: "You'll Think of Me", Keith Urban; "One Winged Angel", Nubuo Uematsu; "Don't Speak", No Doubt.=====Last night, around 9:29pm, was a moment when the country collectively gasped and, all at once, did a double take.Chris Daughtry, eliminated from "American Idol"? Can this be?And not even eliminated from the finals. He was eliminated

I Wanna....

2006-05-08T09:12:00.000-05:00

EWR: Feeling fine mentally, a little blah physicallyMusic I listened to this Morning: "Mr. Tanner", Harry Chapin, "My Sacrifice", Creed; "Walking In Memphis", Lonestar=====I think my brain is in order, and now it's time to concentrate on the rest of me. Jimmy Buffett once wrote: "Some people treat their body as a temple, I treat mine like a tent." Guilty as charged. I am the poster child for a

Empty Garden.

2006-05-06T11:33:00.000-05:00

EWR: reminiscingMusic I Heard today: "Turn Back the Clock", Johnny Hates Jazz; "Time and Time Again", Michael Rutherford; "The Pretender", Jackson Browne.=====The tiny garden in front of the house we once shared still smells of mint.And Lavender,They were planted years ago.Despite bitter storms and icy winters, their lives go on.And fill the air with memories.A petal that isn't tornA heart that

The Unveiling.

2006-05-04T05:18:00.000-05:00

EWR: Carry on my Wayward SonThis Morning's Music: "Vicarious", Tool; "Dani California", Red Hot Chili Peppers; "Kiss" Tom Jones and Art of Noise=====There's a Wind of Change in the air. Can you feel it? It is as though a veil has been lifted from my head. I have a new sense of clarity, of purpose, a sort of design for my life. And yet, I can't tell what that is, not quite yet at least. Maybe

A song for you.

2006-05-03T07:05:00.000-05:00

EWR: I'm still physically kinda weak but otherwise goodThis morning's Music: "Till Death Do Us Part", Madonna; "I'm Not in Love", Tori Amos; "Please Forgive Me", David Grey. oh yeah, and this one too....=====I went out driving trying to clear my headI tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions leftI guess I'm feeling just a little tired of thisAnd all the baggage that seems to still

Odds and Ends....

2006-05-02T07:07:00.000-05:00

EWR: Kinda still crappy viral infection wise, emotionally just fine.Music this morning: "A Place in this World", Michael W. Smith; "There is a Light That Never Goes Out", The Smiths; "Superman", R.E.M.=====Fortunately this little virus that I thought might be Mono is nothing more than just a little viral infection. It's left me perpetually exhausted (even waking up this morning feeling this way).

Mushroom Bisque and Honesty.

2006-04-28T21:48:00.000-05:00

EWR: Okay, tired because it's past my bedtime, almost. Older people are like that.Today's Music: "What Hurts the Most", Rascal Flatts; "I Go to Pieces", Patsy Cline; "Can't You See", Marshall Tucker Band.=====Damn, what's with the country music all of a sudden?Anyway, we had quite a good talk today. It's the first real talk we've had in about six weeks. It was honest, it was civilized, thoughtful

Speaking of Sports....

2006-04-27T11:41:00.000-05:00

EWR: SteadyToday's Music: "A White Shade of Pale", Annie Lennox; "September Song", Willie Nelson; "Out of My Head", Fastball=====Today I am taking a break from this ongoing self cross-examination to talk some sports. In case you didn't know, Detroit's Hockey and Basketball teams, the Red Wings and the Pistons respectively, are both in the first round of their playoff series, trying to make

This Feeling's Called Goodbye.

2006-04-26T13:49:00.000-05:00

For God's sakes, SAY SOMETHING. ANYTHING.Is there anybody out there?

The Trade-Off

2006-04-26T06:36:00.000-05:00

EWR: Just kinda....there.Music this morning: "Little Star", Madonna; "Jessie", Joshua Kadison; "The One", Elton John=====I guess this whole Celexia thing is kind of a trade off.On the one hand, I don't burst into tears at the drop of a hat; I don't feel myself falling off an emotional table any more; I feel as though I am in control of my emotions.On the other hand, I feel about as noncommital

An Interesting Zone.

2006-04-25T07:13:00.000-05:00

EWR: Not as tired, still quite emotionally stableMusic I heard this Morning: "That's All I Know", Phil Manzanera; "All at Once", The Secret Machines; "Jacob's Ladder", Bruce Springsteen=====I feel like I am into a bit of a groove for once. Again I defer to the effects of the Celexia, and I don't know whether the benefits are psychosomatic in reverse, but it seems good. I saw Jessie yesterday and

Better Living Through Chemistry.

2006-04-24T06:52:00.000-05:00

EWR: Very MellowMusic I Listened to this Morning: "Worlds Apart", Jars of Clay; "Something's Always Wrong", Toad the Wet Sprocket; "Prayer for the Dying", Seal=====At any given moment, there are all sorts of chemicals circulating around my body.Besides my usual regimen of vitamins, minerals and herbs (Ginseng, Ginko Biloba, Garlic and Cinnamon) that are teeming through me, I am also on the

Come Saturday Morning

2006-04-22T07:24:00.000-05:00

EWR: Good, relaxed, nothing much to say todayMusic I am listening to this morning: Respighi, "Pines of the Janiculum" from The Pines of Rome, London Symphony Orchestra; Wagner, "Liebustrad" from Tristan Und Isolde, Munich Symphony Orchestra; Holst, "Neptune, the Mystic" from The Planets, Boston Pops Orchestra.=====There's a cool breeze coming through the open window this morning. It is bright and

"Elvis is Dead and I don't Feel so good myself"*

2006-04-21T11:51:00.000-05:00

*Blatantly stolen from the title of a Lewis Grizzard book.=====Mood: Mentally, pretty good; physically, keep on reading....This morning's music: "Lush Life", Queen Latifah; "Mystery", Manhattan Transfer", "Let's get Drunk and Be Somebody", Toby Keith.=====To quote a phrase I use very, VERY often:"I'm getting too old for this shit."After spending a sedentary winter on my fat ass, in front of the

Clinically speaking....

2006-04-20T13:11:00.000-05:00

EWR: Not bad, this shit can't be working this fast...Today's Music: "So Into You", Eric Clapton & Les Paul; "Someone to Watch over Me", Etta James; "Motherless Chil'", Sweet Honey in the Rock====="They say that Jesus and mental health are just for those who can help themselves...." "War on Drugs" by Barenaked LadiesIn the words of Melissa Etheridge, Yes I am. The doctor confirmed that these up

it looks like up

2006-04-18T18:22:00.000-05:00

EWR: Distant.Music Today: "Next Year", Foo Fighters; "Please Forgive Me", David Grey; "Wherever You Will Go", The Calling.=====Trying times...I'm not even going to go into the kind of up and down day I have had. This was that kind of day in which everything I did seemed to be one step forward, two steps back. It's as though I would have been better off at work, at the mall, in Grand Rapids,

Time slips away....

2006-04-17T21:06:00.000-05:00

EWR: Surprisingly peacefulMusic I heard today: "Catch the Wind", Donovan; "Dream of the Archer", Heart; "Lonely" Akon.=====Funny how time slips away.Didn't Willie Nelson do that song once? Ray Price, maybe?Great song.I thought that as I quietly walked the dog this evening (a misnomer, for sure, because Frodo almost always walks me). Today was a crystal clear day of about 65 degrees; spring is

fade to black.

2006-04-16T21:16:00.000-05:00

A slow and quiet death...can you feel it?Everyone I talk to seems to think it's inevitablevery few I talk to are the least bit surprised.can you hear the silence?I watch something that once was the most important thing in my lifefade away;fade to black. can you feel the indifference?what I thought would never die; never crumble; the feeling never waning,the sun never setting. Only one of us could

I guess I'm happy, but....

2006-04-15T22:44:00.000-05:00

I wish it didn't have to be this way.

A Rant about computers

2006-04-15T09:47:00.000-05:00

EWR: FrustratedThis morning's Music: "Fungus", Matthew Lesko Death Cult; "Blarney Stone Stomp", New Car Scent; "These Are Our Pills", Green Jeans is Dead.=====I wish to rant just a bit about the world of computers. Ah yes, the wonderful world of computers. Where would we as a society be without them? There are computers to do just about everything you need to have done. The world is at our

Down time

2006-04-13T07:16:00.000-05:00

EWR: Scattered signed of light at the end of the tunnelMusic I heard this morning: "Harvest Moon", Neil Young; "Everyone Says Hi", David Bowie; "The Nightfly", Donald Fagen=====Henceforth comes the downtime I have needed for some time. I have purposely made precious few plans for the 3 and a half day weekend and the lightly scheduled week after. I need to move a few things out of the back bedroom

No remorse.

2006-04-12T07:05:00.000-05:00

EWR: Raining again....Music I listened to this morning: "Under the Milky Way", The Church; "Hurt", nine inch nails; "Creep", Radiohead=====I think I have come to a realization. A realization that all the remorse and guilty feelings is not going to change my situation. I am in a situation where what happens is absolutely out of my control. It is the realization that we are powerless over some

Wishes.

2006-04-11T21:34:00.000-05:00

It's late, and I'm not sure whether I will say what I actually mean here, but I shall try. And I want be as honest as I possibly can, and if anyone reading this knows me, I can be totally honest. In fact, I am almost always totally honest.Writing in this blog for me is therapy. It is what keeps me sane, it is what keeps me focused, it is what keeps be out of the rubber room. It keeps me from

Conversations.

2006-04-11T07:00:00.000-05:00

EWR: Some things better left unsaid, I guess.Music I listened to today: "Breaking Us in Two", Joe Jackson; "Woke Up this Morning", Leonard Cohen; "Who Wants to Live Forever", Queen=====I hear the echoes:"Please come up this Friday...""Don't forget. Pookie loves you.""I love you too.""Forever.""And ever.""Fuck you.""Fuck you too. I hate you.""I love you.""I love you too.""It's not that you left,

It WASN'T because of opening day....

2006-04-10T17:07:00.000-05:00

EWR: Scattered moments of actual lucidityMusic I listened to today: "Can't Do Nuttin' For Ya Man", Public Enemy; "Holes", Mercury Rev; "Sail Away", Randy Newman=====Today was, simply put, a train wreck.It started with Jessie calling me around 9:30 last evening to say she was so sick with a sinus infection (on top of her Mono) that she was thinking about going to the emergency room. I'm not sure

The Distance....

2006-04-08T23:53:00.000-05:00

EWR: Between the Tick and the TockMusic I listened to this evening: "Scandalous", Prince; "When I Fall", Barenaked Ladies; "All I Know", Art Garfunkel=====I can't take the distanceI can't take the milesI can't take the timeUntil the next time I see you smile."The Distance" by Evan and JaronSometimes there are those things in life that never should have happened.Then there are those other things

Rain...

2006-04-07T07:10:00.000-05:00

EWR: As down today as I was up yesterdayThis morning's Music: "Be My Number Two", Joe Jackson; "I Can't Unlove You", Kenny Rogers; "Please Let Me Wonder", Beach Boys.=====It's amazing what a steady torrent of rain and a crappy night's sleep will do to your entire constitution. I feel strangely isolated, unusually down, that old familiar shredded feeling. It's not the same thing I was feeling for

Two Become One.

2006-04-06T07:04:00.000-05:00

EWR: Happy. Yes, you read that right. HAPPY.This Morning's Music: "Not Alone Anymore", Travelling Wilburys; "A Little Good News", BR-549; "Africa", Howie Day=====My younger brother did something I never thought would happen yesterday.He got married.Unthinkable? Not at all. Highly unlikely? A somewhat qualified "maybe".And I couldn't be happier for he and his new bride. The two of them have, for

Trepidation.

2006-04-05T07:14:00.000-05:00

EWR - Icy and focusedMusic I listened to this morning: "Halcyon", Orbital; "Girl/Boy Song", Aphex Twin; "Are You There", Josh Wink=====It seems like everyone that matters to me is in a varying stage of trepidation, or at the very least, stress this morning.My brother and future sister in law are finding some outside resistance to what should be a happy, giddy time for them. A dear friend starts a

Letdown.

2006-04-03T06:52:00.000-05:00

EWR: DepressedMusic I Listened to This Morning: (all Genesis) "Afterglow", "Your Own Special Way", "Ripples"=====I guess I would have been foolish not to think that I would experience a letdown.After an entire weekend of intense activity, which wrapped up a week of activity, and despite some serious rest last night and the night before, I feel oddly drained, emotionally and physically.Of course

Life Enhancement

2006-04-02T11:37:00.000-05:00

EWR: Relaxed, content and a little bit quietMusic I listened to This morning: "Can We Still Be Friends", Todd Rundgren; "Sometimes When we Touch", Dan Hill; "I Will Always Love You", Dolly Parton and Vince Gill=====Movies are made to entertain, to make us laugh and cry, to inform and to express.There are times, however, when a movie transcends the realm of being merely pictures and sounds on a

I'm glad I don't do this every weekend.

2006-04-01T09:53:00.000-05:00

EWR: ZombieMusic I Listened to This Morning: "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of These), Eurythmics", "That Smell", Lynyrd Skynyrd; "Bridge Over Troubled Water", Paul Simon=====REPORT FROM THE HOME STRETCH:In an hour I go back to finish off the radio marathon. I am dead tired, but it's a good tired once again, and by 2pm once again it will be over. Maybe for good.At least we're not going out with a

Busy time

2006-03-31T17:08:00.000-05:00

EWR: In need of decompressingMusic I listened to today: "Sunset Grill", Don Henley; "And we Danced", The Hooters; "Miami Man", Deluxe Radio Theater=====Radioathon, our semi-annual fundraiser, always takes a lot out of me. Right now I am home, in between shifts. I work my regular shift, then leave at 2:30 and come back 7 1/2 hours to work another ten hour supervisor shift. It's always intense, but

Who can say.....

2006-03-30T08:51:00.000-05:00

EWR: Slight chance of rain, but not on MY paradeMusic I listened to this morning: "Only Time", Enya; "The Chain", Fleetwood Mac; "Float On", Modest Mouse=====Could it be that I am past the mourning stage?Just a thought.Those "moments" are becoming fewer and farther between.This is a good thing, isn't it?Who can say where the road goes, Where the day flows, only time? And who can say if your love

Pushed Away.

2006-03-29T08:03:00.000-05:00

EWR: I used to be disgusted, but now I'm just amusedMusic I listened to this morning: "The Goodbye Look", Donald Fagen; "88 Lines About 44 Women", The Nails; "Te Amo Corazon", Prince====="I know what happensI read the bookI believe I just got the goodbye look.""The Goodbye Look" by Donald FagenSometimes you just know when you are being pushed away. Trying to share some really good news with

Say WHAT?

2006-03-28T16:38:00.000-05:00

Just when I thought my life couldn't get any stranger.This morning I got called into the PRINCIPAL's office. Omigod. Like a teenaged truant with his tail tucked between his legs, I scurried down to the other end of the school and attempted to look earnest as I stepped into the door. What have I done? I thought. I couldn't really think of anything, other than the usual civil disobediance that is

I am needed.

2006-03-28T08:02:00.000-05:00

EWR: NEEDED, not needy.Music I Listened to this morning: "I Grieve", Peter Gabriel; "If I Fall", Amber Pacific; "Intermittently", Barenaked Ladies=====I grieve for youYou leave meso hard to move onStill loving what’s goneThey say life carries onCarries on and on and on and on."I Grieve" by Peter GabrielI am finding that the more people I tell about my marital situation, the better I feel. For

Indifference.

2006-03-27T12:27:00.001-05:00

EWR: Busy, tired but a good kind of tired.Music I listened to today: "I Talk to the Wind", King Crimson; "Dark Star", Grateful Dead; "Something's Always Wrong", Toad the Wet Sprocket=====Sometimes, I get a sense of indifference in the air. Do people just stop caring about the things that once meant the most? Is there anything that might change that? It's a strange feeling, and I know I have felt

On pets and understanding people.

2006-03-26T06:22:00.000-05:00

EWR: fragileMusic I listened to this morning: None. Silence. Coffee brewing in the background. The furnace kicking on once in awhile. Hardly anything akin to "music".=====Cats have a way of knowing when something's not right. I got up this morning, probably way too early for a Sunday, grabbed a cold drink, sat down in my chair. Sammy, my oldest cat, the one that's been with me for nearly eighteen

Fear.

2006-03-25T17:15:00.000-05:00

Note to self:Don't ever think you've got everything all figured out. The minute you do, all the rules will be changed. My sense of order once again becomes another cerebral clusterf**k.I am sure some of you reading this will require an explanation of this post. I don't even think I can explain it fully. The only one I think that really gets it is my younger brother.Thank God he's there.

No Fear.

2006-03-25T10:34:00.000-05:00

EWR: Not bad at all, mellow with a relaxed feelingMusic I listened to this Morning: "Tom Traubert's Blues", Tom Waits; "Language or the Kiss", Indigo Girls with Melissa Etheridge; "The Wind that Shakes the Barley", Ethan Daniel Davidson=====Some of the people I have come into contact lately, or have been in contact with for some time, have an attitude that I wish that I could apply to my life

Ebay is Satan.

2006-03-24T21:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just gotta say when. Or show some restraint.Problem is, under certain circumstances, I rarely do. For instance, there is a reason that I have not taken a drink of alcohol since 1992. I did not know when to say when. Well maybe I knew, I suppose, but I didn't say when.Which leads us to our topic for the evening.I like to hang out on Ebay. The people there have some really cool junk

Now that I have seen the entire movie....

2006-03-24T10:56:00.000-05:00

The performance by Phillip Seymour Hoffman in "Capote" was a spectacular Tour De Force, one of the greatest performances I think I have ever seen on film. There's no doubt he deserved the Oscar. And that movie was emotion shredding and life enhancing.I take back what I said about the "crappy Rich Little impression".

The Hot and the Cold.

2006-03-24T07:55:00.000-05:00

EWR: Not bad, energized & organizedMusic I listened to this morning: "3121", Prince; "Alligator Chomp", Shooter Jennings and Tony Joe White; "Hey man Nice Shot", Filter.=====On a hot and cold week, it's getting a bit warmer today. I am always looking for hopeful signs that my life is headed in the right direction, and sometimes they are right in front of my face. They probably were yesterday and

Country Music.

2006-03-23T16:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, my older brother is going to love this. My younger brother probably won't. The latest venture into the inner reaches of my head has me coming up with...you guessed it. Another list. This time I am going to try and dig up 10 essential country songs. Hopefully THE most essential country songs. Now I do not have NEARLY the knowledge of Country Music that my older bro. has, but I did work at a